


Changing Tides

by wakemeup



Category: X Factor (US) RPF, fifth harmony - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 16:59:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakemeup/pseuds/wakemeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tides change and life goes on. Future Fic for Camren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changing Tides

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty lengthy, I apologize if it gets boring, but please read through. Thank you. Enjoy.

It’s easy to forget where you came from. It’s easier to forget where you’re going. Things can become unfocused, life can be become routine and comfortable. It’s rare that things can change in a few instances, but it does happen, and when it does happen it’s up to those affected to decide if it’ll change for better or for worse.

Lauren, along with the rest of the girls, started a life of cameras, videos, paparazzi, glamour, and music a five years ago. Things began to change then, but she doesn’t know, even know whether that change was good or not.

“Lauren, you need to get ready to go, we’ve got to be at the stage in twenty!” Lindsey, her manager yells out at her through her door. The girls are still together, but fame has gone and affected everyone around them. Lauren plays her part and sings her lines, but she feels empty most nights. The other girls find it hard to see their family’s and even harder for them to find their privacy. They wanted the fame, they asked for the glamour, but even Simon, who became like another father to them all, couldn’t protect them from the prying eyes of the world at bay.

When she does get a moment away from the hectic schedule that her managers flood her with she escapes to the small home she bought out in Cape May last year. It’s become her favorite place to go too and she’s finally gotten Lindsey to allow her the next week off so she can retreat there.

Her dad’s still very much a part of her life, as is her mom and siblings, but they don’t really understand what she stepped into. She buys them whatever they need and she’s remained responsible, but it’s getting harder and harder to give interviews and to perform every other day. She doesn’t know if she’s the only one who feels this way in the group, but she knows that the girls have grown farther apart. It seemed impossible back then because they stayed together every minute of every day.

She’s barely able to catch up with Dinah and Normani. She finds more out from the paps than she does from the girls. Things have just fallen this way and Lauren despises it more than anything else. Those girls are her family. Lauren’s proud of what she’s become and even more proud of her family, but she’s tired. She’s exhausted and burnt out. She grabs her iPhone and walks out to join Lindsey in the black SVU.

“Finally, the girls are all on their way. You’ve got this show and another interview an hour afterwards and then you can head out.” Lindsey says it as she types away on her phone, Lauren has no doubt that it’s probably a work email. Lindsey’s a workaholic. Lauren doesn’t quite understand it because Lindsey’s gorgeous and she’s got a family, but she’s rarely with them. Lauren would spend as much time as she could if she had one. She really wants a family.

“Okay, let’s just get this over with. Do you know if the other girls are off next week too?” Lauren lays her head against the window and closes her eyes as she speaks.

“I know that Camila is to go visit her family, but the rest have other things. Ally might be as well.” Lindsey’s light brown eyes take in Lauren’s tired frame. She’s sorry about all that she sets up for Lauren, but she’s just the messenger.

“Thanks.”

\---------------------------

“That’s was beyond tiring.” Dinah says as she walks off stage first. The mics turned off and the stage crew running around trying to change for the next artist. Dinah doesn’t actually know what or who this event is for, but she’s tired and the five of them have an interview in an hour somewhere across town.

“I’m glad next week is going to be a breeze.” Normani says softly behind her.

“You guys are off too?” Camila says as she sits down in their dressing room and begins to change.

“Yeah.” Ally’s finally going to be able to see her family and help out at the church she grew up in. It’s been a long time coming and it’ll be a relief for her.

“Girls! Make up is coming in and then we need to head out!”

Lauren remembers that it was at one of these events that she realized she was crushing too hard on Camila. Maybe a few months ago. Crushing isn’t a word she’d use for someone at this age, but they had always been close, but then Lauren had realized they were too close. She backed away from it. Maybe more than she cares to realize.  

\---------------------------

“So girls, what’s next on your plate?” The interviewer is someone from E! network, but someone’s prepping them before they head on. They all know that Ally is going to answer most of the questions with the rest of the girls falling into line behind her. They’ve done this too many times for their own good.

They all walk onto the platform that the interview is being done on. Ally then Normani, Dinah, Camila, and last is Lauren. Lauren smiles and easily slips into the carefree one with the ‘intense’ eyes. Lately, she’s watched as Camila smiles and laughs and remains the ‘bubbly’ one, but it’s been nothing but fake. Lauren notices that every once in awhile Camila will focus a little too hard on the water glass in front of her and zone out. Even on stage the hour before, Camila was singing, but not nearly like she used to. They’ve all picked up one another’s mannerisms, but Camila and Lauren used to be particularly close.

“So, you girls haven’t released anything new recently, what’s next?” Ryan smiles kindly and Ally responds with the rehearsed; “We’re just doing what we can as a group and we’ll keep everyone posted on what’s next.”

The interview goes smoothly and when they all finish their managers are waiting with their cars to take them to their respective hotels. Lauren waits for Ally to walk off and pulls her aside before they all leave. “Hey, have fun next week. I figure you’ll go back to Texas like you always do, but give your mom and dad a big hug from me?” Lauren smiles as she says it all and it’s completely genuine. “I will, you relax okay?” Ally smiles back and hugs her tight. “I will.” Lauren begins to walk away and towards Lindsey. She’s ready for everything to be over so she can get on a plane and go to Cape May. She gives all of the girls big hugs and Camila holds her extra tight for a bit longer than usual, although Lauren didn’t mind.

She headed out to her hotel and got ready to go to bed when her phone started ringing. She walked over as she dried her hair with the hotel towels and picked her phone up to see that Normani was calling her. “Hey.”

“Hey, Lo.”

“What’s up?”

“I was just calling to say have a safe trip wherever you’re going and that maybe we could see one another sometime next week. It feels like we’ve all been so far apart even when we’re in this group. I don’t like this.”

“Definitely, I’ll let you know? I just need a few days to sit around, you know?”

“For sure, just call me or something? Keep me updated?”

“Yeah.”

“And Lo?”

“Yeah, Mani?”

“Stay safe. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Lauren smiles into the phone and removes it from her ear to hang up.

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Things have been crazy, I know Camila hasn’t been doing well and The rest of us are just tired but---”

“What’s wrong with Camila?” Lauren sits down and wonders why she’s just hearing about this now. Camila and her used to be the closest pair, but things have changed. Really changed.

“She hasn’t spoken to you?”

“I haven’t really spoken to anyone that much lately.”

“You should talk to her then, I know she misses all of us.”

“I will. Do you know what she’s doing next week?”

“Uhm, Miami for a bit, but then I don’t know.”

“Thanks Mani. I really care about you guys. I know things haven’t been the best, but it’s all fixable right?”

Normani smiles from her side of the phone and nods her head as she says: “Of course.”

\-----------------------

She’s at the cottage now and she’s retreated alone. It’s only Monday, so she’s been here for nearly a day and a half, but she still feels like she hasn’t slept for weeks. She hasn’t brought anyone besides Taylor here before. Even Taylor’s grown into an amazing young woman. Lauren’s been reading and focusing on trying to regain whatever it is that she’s lost that’s made her feel like she’s constantly alone, like she’s not doing what she loves.

The brown haired girl doesn’t think it could possibly be her confidence, because it’s not that she feels she can’t find anyone or anything like that, it feels as though even when she’s surrounded by people constantly. She thinks it’s odd that even now, when she is alone, she feels more at peace than when she’s not. Maybe it’s just good company. Today, she’s going out to the shore and visiting the lighthouse. It’s mid September so it’s not swimming weather, but lighthouse is her favorite place. She heads out and takes her phone and a small journal. One she keeps for songwriting and just thoughts from random days.

The man who runs the lighthouse says hello to her and she starts a conversation about his son because she’s very well acquainted with him and everyone else. His easy smile makes her happy and they share their wonder in this lighthouse and what it provides for them.  Lauren finishes that conversation and she climbs the long spiral staircase up towards the top of the lighthouse, where Tim, assured her was empty. She goes and watches as the sun hangs in the sky and the waves crash into the shore.

Her favorite thing about being up here is being able to see the tide changing. Watching it slip and climb back up the shore. Watching it crash into the side of the cliffs. Watching as the sun sets and the tide finds its way higher up the shore. She knows that the tide is a perfect example of change. It endures change and continuously perseveres. She sits back and continues to contemplate it again but she grabs her phone as she does so and calls Taylor.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tay.”

“What’s up?”

“Just here at the lighthouse.”

“Got the week off?”

“Yeah, finally. How’s college?”

“Good. Dad’s finally stopped skyping me every hour.”

“He means well.”

“I know. Why’d you call?”

“What do you think is wrong with me?”

Taylor pauses and thinks about the answer. Lauren is quite obviously distraught, but there’s a lot that could be on her mind. She’s been so busy as it is and Taylor wants her to be okay.“Lo, nothing’s wrong with you. What do you think is wrong?”

“I’m scared that I’ve grown tired of this business.” Lauren hasn’t wanted to say it. She hasn’t wanted to admit. She hasn’t wanted to say it to anyone, but Taylor is her sister, her confidant.

“Why?” Taylor just wants to guide Lauren along whatever conversation she needs to have right now.

“It’s just that so much has changed since the girls and I started.”

“What’s changed?”

“It doesn’t feel like I care about it anymore.”

“Then change that, Lauren.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Tay?”

“Mhm?”

“Have you spoken to Cam?” That hurts Lauren. It hurts her that she has to ask Taylor that at all because Taylor has probably spoken to her more than Lauren has. Lauren hasn’t even found it in her to call Camila because that would be facing the fact that she has so much to make up for, that she hasn’t been able to be a person for Camila to confide in personally.

“I have.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Why don’t you know, Lo?” Taylor knows Lauren’s had a tough time. She needs people around her, but Lauren’s also distanced herself without knowing it. She has to realize what she’s been doing on her own and she has to try to fix it on her own. Taylor knows this. Lauren just has to realize it too.

\-------------------

It’s Tuesday now and Lauren still hasn’t found it in her to call Camila. She’s done the opposite of relaxing and it’s time she does it. Taylor left her a text last night asking her to consider what exactly has changed about her career. Maybe Camila can help her figure that out too. She grabs her phone and drafts a text to Cam, she hates how even this small action feels difficult. She opts to just write a simple ‘hey’ and let it go from there.

She gets an almost immediate reply and nervously opens up the text to see that Camila just responded with a ‘hi’ back. Lauren looks at her phone and then the clock. It just hit eight am in the morning. She’s been rising early, a habit she can’t break. She hits the call button and bites the bullet.

“Cam?”

“Hey.”

“Hi. You’re up early.”

“It’s a bad habit from touring.” Lauren smiles because she’s the same way.

“How’re you, Camz?”

“I’ve been okay, how about you?” Lauren frowns because this is terribly rehearsed and polite. She hadn’t realized how much had changed.

“I miss you.” It’s true, but Lauren didn’t expect she’d say it. Maybe her mind just knows not to try and reason her way through this. Camila always saw through that anyways.

“I miss you too.” And there’s an incredible sigh of relief that comes out of Lauren’s lungs. “Are you still in Miami?”

“Till this afternoon.”

“Where are you going after that?”

“Back to L.A”

Lauren thinks about this for a bit, it’s an awkward silence for Camila, but Lauren has to be sure she wants to say this. This is her sanctuary, but she needs to start mending things that she hadn’t realized were broken. Things that Taylor had to point out for her to see. The fear she feels, the fear and heartache that she knows will come because she has to face this loss in order to start healing. She remembers that poem about the tide kissing the shore only to be pushed away. That’s what she thinks about as she sits in the lighthouse. The large expanse of sea and it’s relationship to the shore.

“Come to Cape May?”

“What?” Camila has to ask because she’s not sure if she had heard what Lauren said, not to mention the fact that she hasn’t actually spoken to her in too long.

“Come to Cape May.” Lauren repeats it with an undeniable confidence.

“Okay.” Camila says it and doesn’t know how quickly things change, but she does remember when she auditioned for the X Factor all those years ago. She remembers how quickly everything changed then. Maybe this is another blessing in disguise. Camila has to believe in miracles now. That’s what she’s needed these past few months.

\--------------------------

Lauren hand hung up the phone and began busying herself. She figured Camila would tell her when she arrived and Lauren would go pick her up. Camila texted her after they had hung up and said that her flight would be in around 4pm. She had gone to the grocery store a few miles away and picked up some stuff for dinner and other snacks. She figured that after tonight, if things with Camila worked out she could invite the rest of the girls to come. This might be a bit sudden, her change of heart and the invitations, but she just wants to find something that will make her feel as though this career, this path she’s following is worth it, as worth it as it was all those years ago.

She checked her watch and realized it had already hit three. She grabs whatever she needs and starts the drive towards the airport.

\---------------------------

Camila grabbed her things and began boarding the plane. Things were crazy in her life as it was, but add Lauren back into her life into the miss and things become even blurrier than before. Sofia was getting sick a lot and her mom and dad were struggling to keep up with her. Camila prayed that it wasn’t serious but the doctors haven’t figured out what it is that’s making her so sick. Sofia is definitely anemic and that in itself scares Camila, even though it’s temporary. She’s got a lot of medication and she’s just praying that it isn’t the worst case scenario.

She wanted to stay longer, but she had planned to go back to LA today just to try and relax and maybe hit the studio by herself to get whatever she’s feeling off her chest, but Lauren called. Lauren called and asked her to come to Cape May and she can’t really refuse Lauren. A few months ago, back in July, Lauren started pulling away from her and the other girls. Since then, Camila has done the same, just to protect herself. She’s had too much to worry about to begin worrying about that as well. To be honest, she thinks she knows why, but there’s no reason in assuming. If Lauren did have feelings for her, she was mistaken to back away, but that’s in the past and Camila has learned over the years that grudges only weigh those who hold them down.

She closes her eyes and settles in for the plane ride.

\--------------------------

Lauren shuts the trunk and hops into the driver seat as Camila is putting on her seatbelt. “How was your flight?” Lauren starts the drive back to the cottage.

“It was fine, I slept most of it.”

“That’s good.”

The car ride is pretty silent. Camila hums along to some songs and Lauren glances over sometimes, but she notices that Camila hasn’t smiled that much, if at all. It’s disturbing since that’s what Lauren’s used to. She doesn’t like the thought of any of that, not to mention what could possibly be making Camila unhappy.

“You should really keep your eyes on the road, Jauregui.” Camila cracks a small smile then.

“It’s a red light. Plus, I can drive without looking.”

“Please don’t test that theory now.”

“Whatever.” Lauren looks back at the road and drives the last five minutes to the small cottage. She parks and begins taking out Camila’s suitcase and walking in towards the house. “Did you buy this place?”

“Yeah, a year or so ago.”

“I didn’t know you liked this sort of place.”

“It’s different, Camz.” Lauren smiles softly at Camila. This feels more normal than anything else.

“I’ve never been here before. How’d you find out about it?” Camila follows Lauren as she sets the suitcase in a guest bedroom in the same hall as Lauren’s. They both walk back out towards the patio that’s attached to the kitchen. “I actually bought it on a whim. Saw it in one of those catalogs and thought it was beautiful.”

“And here I thought you just loved Miami.”

“I do, but this is my secret place.” Camila looks at Lauren carefully. She’s in a black hoodie and some skinny jeans, nothing too fancy. It fits the autumn weather. She’s leaning on the fencing that surrounds the patio and she’s got her eyes closed and her head leaned forward. Camila can see the tiredness plain on Lauren’s face and her body language. If this is Lauren’s secret place, that means something. Right? It has to mean something. Camila came here on a whim, but she really does want to help or fix whatever it is they are now.

“Then why’d you ask me to come?”

“Because, maybe it’s time I start opening up.” Lauren looks at Camila, eye to eye, and Camila’s shaken. Shaken because those eyes, the ones that everyone compliments and loves, those eyes always had the power to make Camila weak at the knees. If Lauren did like Camila, and she backed away for that reason, she was wrong too, because Camila had always held Lauren above anyone else she had met, she held her in deep adoration. Before Sofia got sick, Camila was as carefree as possible, she let things come in time, but she feels like time’s limited. People have to have patience to keep up with the world. Camila needs to remain patient. And if Camila’s being honest with herself, Lauren’s words are enough to allow Camila to forgive her.

“I’m hungry.” Camila flashes Lauren a smile and walks back into the kitchen. Lauren’s laugh makes Camila’s smile even brighter as Camila digs through the pantry and the kitchen.

“I bought stuff for pizza earlier. We can make that.”

“Yes!” Camila grabs the dough in the fridge and Lauren gets the flour, toppings, and sauce out. They used to do this all the time back when they first had to live together because they were making an album. She remembers Camila throwing flour at her and Lauren would hug her and drop some down the back of her shirt. They’d laugh about it all night.

The preparation of the pizza actually goes as smoothly as possible, meaning that Lauren and Camila fell into their routine and did exactly what Lauren had remembered. It was refreshing and good to know that even being so far apart, not in distance, but in mind, they could snap back. When Lauren pops the two personal pizza’s in the oven they go over to the living room and turn on the TV. Camila flips to something on abc family, which isn’t that surprising to Lauren and sits so that she’s cross legged and facing Lauren.

“What’s the best part about this place?”

“The view.” Lauren points over to the large windows and at the lighthouse and shore that’s there.

“Yeah. It’s beautiful.”

“Mhm.” Lauren mumbles and goes to grab them some water. She places the glasses down on the table in front of the couch and sits back down.

“We could go up to the lighthouse after we eat. Tim won’t mind.”

“That’d be pretty cool.”

“Is everything okay, Camila?”

“You just full named me.”

“No, that would’ve been Camila Cabello.”

“You never say my full first name, though.”

“You’re avoiding my question.” Camila looks away from Lauren then. She doesn’t want to mention Sofia. Everyone else knows besides Lauren, but it’s just not something she can bring up lightly.

“Camz.” Lauren tries to catch Camila’s gaze, but it doesn’t work.

“Are you okay?” Camila redirects the question at Lauren. Lauren knows that if she wants Camila to open up she has to do the same.

“I just didn’t realize that we had all drifted so far apart. That’s all. I’m trying to make up for that now.”

“I’m okay too.”

“Mani said you weren’t.”

“Mani and her big mouth.” Camila smiles because she knows that Normani doesn’t mean any harm. “Sofia is sick.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s anemic and she’s just getting sick a lot. Mom and dad are worried and I’ve been flying there as much as possible to make sure they get what they need.” Lauren moves next to Camila, she hadn’t really expected this.

“I’m sorry.” Lauren’s hit with guilt. She hadn’t realized that Camila was going through something like this.

“Why’d you drift away, Lo?” Camila brings her knees up to her chest as she waits for Lauren to answer.

“I don’t know if I meant too.” Lauren mirrors Camila’s actions and closes her eyes as she thinks of what to say next the vulnerability that Camila is showing hurts her because she knows that her body language says she needs to protect herself from Lauren. That was never the case before. Before, Lauren would protect her.

“It’s kind of stupid I think. I started to have feelings for you and then I think I just unknowingly backed off of everything, but at the same time, I’ve lost a bit of interest in what we do. I don’t feel the same towards it.” Camila thinks about that. She turns her head to the side and rests her temple on her knee. The water that she can see from here is just a large expanse of blue. Seemingly endless, but then Camila has to remind herself that everything ends at some point. “You never said anything.” It’s just above a whisper.

“I’m sorry.” Lauren knows that she could say more, that she should say more, but she doesn’t know what Camila needs to hear, or if Camila wants to hear anything else at all. The emotions that she’s feeling now are exactly what the girl across from her must be feeling as well. That’s something that Lauren’s always worried about; Camila always feels so much for so many people that sometimes she leaves herself vulnerable to others. Too often she had found herself trying shield Camila from the cameras and the interviewers, just on instinct. She looks up and sees that Camila’s position hasn’t changed. She shrinks into herself a bit then, but realizes that this isn’t the time to back down, she needs to be strong now more than ever. Taylor was right about a lot of things, especially this.

“Are the feelings past tense?” A mumble.

“I don’t know.” Camila gets up then, a bit sudden. She walks back out onto the patio and sits with her legs hanging off the hardwood patio and dangling off the ground. It’s the breeze that she came out here for, the smell of the water and the natural sunlight. She’s angry that she was right. Angry that she was right about Lauren and that she had let the girl pull away. Before, Camila just blamed Lauren and allowed her to do what she wanted, but now? Now Camila is angry that she could feel her best friend slipping away from her and the rest of the girls and that she didn’t feel as though she could help at all. She feels Lauren walking onto the patio too, feels the ground move a bit as Lauren sits down beside her and keeps a few inches between them. Camila hates that too.

“I’m sorry, Cam.”

“I’m sorry too.” Lauren’s confused. She expected Camila to lash out at her for not telling her from the start, but this isn’t what she expected. She expected to grovel and beg and pray that Camila wouldn’t leave her and that she’d stick around, but she didn’t want this. “You don’t need to be sorry. That’s not what I wanted. You shouldn’t be apologizing.” Lauren wants to rest her hand on Camila’s knee. She wants desperately to wrap her in a hug and hold her. She wants to be Camila’s shield again. She doesn’t want to be the person Camila needs protecting from.

“I knew.” Camila lays back. Eyes open and facing the sky. Lauren waits for her to go on.

“I knew that there was something there. Then a few weeks later you started slowly backing out. I could feel it and I didn’t bother doing anything. I’m sorry.” Her words come out slow and quiet and too delicate to be Camila. Lauren reminds herself that she caused this, that she needs to be the one to fix it.

“Don’t blame yourself.” Lauren lays back with her, but she leans on her left shoulder as she lays sideways and facing Camila. She observes her and waits again. She’s never had this much patience.

“I felt it too.”

“What?”

“You should’ve stayed, Lo.” Camila turns her head to face Lauren with a smile. She remembers the easy days, when things didn’t have to be complicated and life went on. She gets to decide where this goes from now on, and now she wants to make it simple.

Lauren smiles back at her, she doesn’t know why, but Camila’s happiness always rubbed off on her somehow.

“Can I ask you something?” Lauren nods her head. A resounding anything ringing in her mind.

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” Camila closes her eyes and tries keep the worry from her face.

“Ask me.” Lauren continues to watch Camila’s features.

\--------------------------------

“Mani! Grab the popcorn!” Ally screams it from the couch in Lauren’s living room.

“Fine, but can you come grab the drinks?” Normani’s face pokes out from behind the entryway to the kitchen. Dinah’s occupied the loveseat for herself.

“It’s about time we had a movie night.” Dinah smiles at Lauren who’s laid out on the floor with Camila next to her.

“Yeah, I’m glad you guys could make it out here on such short notice.”

“It’s totally fine, I mean what can they say when all five of us demand an extra week off?” Normani says as she walks back in with two tubs full of popcorn. “I also went a little overboard on the butter.”

“I like kettle corn though!”

“Cam, there’s some in the cabinet above the microwave.” Lauren laughs at Camila’s love of food, but only the foods she’s had before. For a girl who loves to eat, she’s picky as hell.

“I can’t reach can you go grab it?” Camila bats her eyelashes and of course Lauren has to go. The hazel eyed girl doesn’t even bother to say anything and just gets up to grab the popcorn. She hears the ‘whpshhhh’ noise that Dinah and Mani make as she’s walking out. She can only smile to herself.

\------------------

Lauren woke up on the floor next to Camila. They’d ended up watching two movies and then talking to all the girls for a bit and passing out. It was a long day since everyone flew in, but they really did need it.

She smiled as she realized that the other girl had held onto Lauren’s hands that were on her stomach. It’s been three days since Camila and her had the conversation. Three days alone to figure things out. Camila had made it simple. She had told Lauren that things were complicated as it was and that some things can just be black and white. They did what they needed too and then invited the girls over. It wasn’t all that hard for Mani to pick up on the difference. Ally was next to grasp onto the change between the two girls and Dinah basically just dropped her drink and screamed it when Lauren’s hand drifted to holding Camila’s in the car.

She softly tries to pick Camila up and quietly take her to their bedroom. The other girls had already retreated to their rooms. Camila stirs a bit, but only wraps her arms around Lauren’s neck. The girl hasn’t grow that much since they were younger.

She lays Camila in bed and kisses her forehead before tucking her in and walking back out to the patio. She grabs a hoodie and wraps it tightly around herself. She takes in the salty air and looks for the lighthouse. Watches as the light rotates around as a signal to anyone out there, guiding them to where they need to go. She hears the door click shut and turns around to look at Camila, dreary eyed and in her sweatshirt.

“Why’d you go?” Camila whispers as she wraps her arms around Lauren’s left arm and rests her head on the taller girls shoulder. Lauren turns to hold Camila in a tight hug and kisses her head softly. “I just needed some air. I tried to not wake you, I’m sorry.” Camila tilts her head and kisses Lauren’s chin. “It’s okay.” Lauren smiles at the light touch.

“Let’s go back to the lighthouse.” Lauren laughs quietly from the vibrations that are a result of Camila talking right into her neck. “Okay.”

They both trudge up to the the pathway to the lighthouse in silence. Once they reach the entrance Lauren holds it open and she grabs the spare key to the staircase that Tim keeps in one of the drawers and goes to unlock the door. They both begin the long walk up and when they get there Lauren sits in one of the bigger chairs as Camila settles in her lap. She wraps her arms around the smaller girls waist and rests her head on her shoulder. They both stare out at the water and the light flashing around.

“Remember when Sofia had that birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and you refused to miss it and I refused to leave you alone so the paps chased us around the block for awhile until we could safely go in?” Camila smiled at the memory and Lauren just nods her head to signal that she did remember.

“I gave her a card with a lot of money in it and told her that I’d take her out later with you. She was so excited.” Lauren remembered the excited huge that Sofia had given her and that Sofia had said she was a better sister than Camila was. It was a big birthday party that they were both happy to attend. “Afterwards we took her out for more ice cream and your mom was so mad when we dropped her off with a sugar high.” Camila laughed at that, she didn’t hear the end of it from her mother for a good week.

“She’s going to be alright, babe.” Camila sighed at that and kissed Lauren. The kiss was light, their lips meeting for a few seconds before Camila pulled away, Lauren’s eyes still closed.

“What was that for?” Lauren asked as she pulled Camila closer to her.

“Just for being around.”

“Camila?”

“Mhm?”

“I’m staying this time.” Camila kisses Lauren again and stands up then and grabs Lauren’s hand to drag her near one of the large window of the light house. This time Camila holds Lauren from behind. “I can see why you love it up here.”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me about it?” Lauren turns to lean against the railing in front of the window; she’s got her arms around Camila’s waist and Camila’s left her arms to rest on Lauren’s shoulders, hands coming together behind her girlfriend’s neck. “The first time I came up here Tim showed me all the special things, like the light and how it turns, the ships out there, where the sun rises and sets. Before you came, I was thinking about the tides and how they change, but remain relentless.” Camila leans back to look Lauren in the eye as she continues. “I think of the light house and think of something that guides people home, but can also be threatening. It tells people the shore is near, but that they have to be careful or they might get hurt.” Camila smiles at that. Lauren’s always been a quiet thinker, but she’s fortunate enough to get to hear the things she thinks about.

“It’s like you.”

“What?”

“You can protect me, just like you used too, but then you also have the ability to be strong and threatening. I love that about you, Lo.” Lauren only kisses her in response. A while passes by and they shift so that they’re sitting on the floor against the wood. Camila breaks the quiet; “We never got to talk about what you said before. About losing how you felt about what we do.” Lauren sighs and remains quiet. Camila knows that it’s because she’s thinking.

“We don’t get to write anymore. We don’t get a say in where we go. We don’t get to do things just for the fans.”

“I know.”

“I just want that back.”

“Then let’s talk to the girls when we see them and go from there?” Lauren nods in response. She traces her fingers over Camila’s palm.

She picked up the habit even before the two had made the decision to be together and before things had gone wrong. Camila’s palms are smaller than hers and Lauren ends up mindlessly doing this a lot of the time. The first time was during an x factor practice. “Do you remember the day we were practicing for a thousand years?” Camila hums out an “mhm.”

“They had pulled together Ally, Dinah, and Normani to work on their harmonies, so we just stayed behind. I started playing with your palm.” Camila nods and responds: “ I remember that performance really well.”

“You were pretty amazing that day, and everyday we performed.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, actually.” Lauren smiles and kisses Camila on the cheek.

“Twenty questions?”

“Okay.”

Lauren thinks about her first question, they already know the basics about one another, but this is an opportunity to really dig deeper; ask questions that are important. “Why did you say yes to dating?” Camila just lays back into Lauren’s arms and waits to find the right answer.

“I liked you for awhile. We were always pretty close, but after our first tour things started getting really good and yeah.”

“Our first tour? That was years ago.” Lauren remains in disbelief.

“I kind of just let it simmer. I was in no rush, we were in a group together.”

“Wow.”

“Okay, my turn. When did you realize you liked me?”

“Uhm, it was slow, actually. It didn’t just hit me. I just began to realize how close we already were, I started noticing little things. We always seemed to have to be near one another, I was protective and jealous sometimes. Things like that.”

“That’s boring, Lo.”

“That’s the truth, Camz.” Camila laughs.

“Okay, hmm. Favorite thing about me?”

“Physical or no?”

“Both.”

“That’s really cheating.”

“Whatever.”

“Okay, fine. Your eyes are the physical and the non-physical thing would be the way you take care of me and everyone around you.”

“Why?”

“Nope, that’s the next question.”

“Fine.”

“Okay, my turn. Same question.”

“Physical would be your butt. Non-physical would have to be your carefree-ness.”

“You’re literally only dating me for my ass and I know it.” They both laugh at that and let it go because they both know it’s all in good fun. “Now I get to ask why.”

“Your eyes because everyone says that it’s like you’re looking right at someone or through them, but for me it’s like you’re looking at me. Like you really see me. I love that. And I love the way you just seem to be a protector, but I get to be the one to protect you sometimes. Your turn.” Lauren kisses Camila’s neck as a thank you.

“My favorite physical thing about you isn’t actually your butt, but it’s a nice plus. It’s actually your stature. We fit perfectly. Everything about that is just great. I don’t know. Uhm, I love that you’re carefree because it makes everything easier. I mean, I know you’re actually not, but sometimes there’s just an innocence about you that no one else can really grasp onto.”

“You can be a real charmer Jauregui.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, babe.”

“Your turn.”

“Uhm, what’s something you haven’t gotten to do that you really want to do?”

“You.” Lauren’s brain stops then. It’s a joke and she knows it, but Camila’s never been one to do the whole sexual innuendos thing. Before she can say anything Camila tilts her head back and kisses Lauren. They’re really knew at this, but they have explored it a bit, but this kiss is different. Camila titls her head a bit and as Lauren begins to respond to the kiss. Her mouth opens to allow Lauren to take control. By the time they pull away they’re both breathless and Lauren’s acutely aware of how close Camila is to her. The way her body is pressed up against hers and how her hand is resting on Camila’s lower back. Camila kisses her again and Lauren shifts her hand down so she’s urging Camila on and it’s all getting a bit out of hand. She let’s Camila take control this time. They pull away again and Camila just rests her head on Lauren’s shoulder.

“I was kidding, but that was an opportunity I really couldn’t resist.” Lauren just smiles because she could really get used to that stupid smirk on her girlfriend’s face.

\--------------------

“Date.”

“Date?”

“We haven’t gone on a date.”

“Are you asking me to go on a date with you?”

“Are you saying yes?”

“Cabello, get your shit together and ask me out better.” Lauren laughs as she walks away and Camila’s left behind pouting. She begins to think of ways to ask Lauren out without getting rejected. They’ve gone on plenty of dates, but Camila’s just never asked her officially.

\-------------------

“Please help me!”

“Camz, you’re a lot better at being romantic than this.”

“I just don’t want to think of something stupid.”

“Okay, we’ll help, but only if you promise us you’ll stop stealing our food.” Camila thinks about that for a bit and it has Ally, Normani, and Dinah all laughing. Ally can’t help but think that if she really does agree she must already love Lauren.

“Fine, but you guys suck.”

“We don’t.”

“But we will help you.” Normani is getting giddy, just happy to help out her friends in any way.

“So what did you have in mind?”

“Why bother asking her at all? Just surprise her with something.” Dinah says it and the rest of the girls can’t help but agree.

“I don’t really want it to be lame.”

“She’ll like anything you do.”

“How about a picnic?”

“It is really nice out, it’s almost April.”

“Eh, maybe?”

“Well, since we’re negotiating with the record label we don’t really have much to do. Take her to the studio and just sing together. Maybe take her shopping after and then go see a movie and then a nice dinner somewhere she likes.”

“Mani, I freaking love you.”

“I know. I’m the best.” Camila hugs them all really tight and excitedly starts looking at her phone for information and scheduling.

“You should take her to New York. Take her for a few days, it’ll be fun.” Camila nods to Dinah’s suggestion and runs off to go book flights and the studio.

\--------------------

“Where are you guys taking me?”

“We’re going to get coffee.”

“This isn’t the way to Starbucks.”

“We’re going to the one in the airport.”

“Dinah you suck at being subtle.” Normani’s the one to call her out on it and Lauren’s even more confused than before.

“Where’s my girlfriend?”

“At the Starbucks with your coffee.”

“You guys, you suck.”

The girls remained silent after that and continued there way to the airport. Once they got there they basically dropped Lauren off on the curve and drove away screaming “We love you have fun!” out of the windows.

Lauren can’t help but wonder what the hell is going on. She walks into the airport and realizes she can’t actually get to the Starbucks without a plane ticket. She might’ve just got ditched.

“Babe!” Lauren looks up to see Camila walking her way.

“What the hell, Cam!”

“Sorry, it was sort of supposed to be a smoother kidnapping, but whatever.”

“What’s going on?”

“We’re going on vacation.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, but where’s my coffee?” Camila smiled at Lauren and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. She held her hand and began walking through security. She had packed both their clothes into one suitcase and if they needed more they could just shop.

Once the two got through and grabbed their starbucks it was smooth sailing from then on. They landed in New York around 5:30pm. Once they landed they grabbed a quick bite to eat and Lauren demanded that they go back to the hotel to rest a bit. Camila didn’t realize that she didn’t actually mean sleep till much later.

\--------------------

“Are you going to tell me any of our plans today?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Camila just laughs and continues changing. They’re both getting ready for today and it’s something Camila’s actually really excited about. She pulls on some shorts and snaps her bra on as well. She’s about to pull on her button up, but she feels Lauren’s arms snake around her waist and Lauren’s lips on her neck.

“Stop.”

“No.”

“Lo, this isn’t going to get you any---” Camila’s sentence cuts off as Lauren begins to suck harder on her neck. Her mouth hangs open as Lauren’s hands begin to wander.

“On the contrary, I think you’re going to tell me what I want to hear.” Lauren slips one hand into Camila’s shorts and the other onto her waist.

“You’re going to ruin your surprises.”

“Baby, just tell me.”

“Fuck!” Camila leans onto the dresser in front of her. It takes all the will power she has to remove Lauren’s hands and finished getting dressed.

“I can’t believe you just resisted.”

“I can’t believe you even tried that.”

“I’m desperate what can I say?”

“Let’s go or we’ll be late.”

“Where are we going?”

“Nice try.” Camila grabs her things and walks by Lauren out the door. Lauren grabs Camilla’s wrist before she can walk away and pulls her into one more kiss. When she breaks it Camila’s breathless and Lauren just says: “Thanks for planning everything, babe.”

“Always.”

“Now let’s go!” Lauren runs out of the room.

Camila tells the cab driver the address and they’re off to the studio. The ride is relatively short. Lauren hasn’t realized where they’re at yet, but as soon as they get off the elevator and sees the studio logo she flips out and hugs Camila tight. “We’re recording?!”

“Yeah. I booked us a few hours.” Camila smiles at how happy Lauren is, especially since the other girl hasn’t felt the same about their music in a while. She watches as Lauren goes up to the receptionist for what room was there’s and runs off before Camila can catch up.

“What do you want to sing?”

“Whatever you want. We could try to write or we could just duet and stuff.” Camila can’t hide the reflection of Lauren’s happiness. It really is something she’s glad Normani came up with.

“Let’s sing some stuff? Old stuff, maybe Ed or Lana or Demi?”

“Yeah.” Camila remembers when they did that cover of Lego House way back before they even released a single. They had been practicing before the recording and Camila had admired everything about Lauren. But her full husky voice was something she just really couldn’t get used to. It’s why Camila asks Lauren to sing to her every night.

“Lego House?” Lauren smiles in response and nods furiously.

\--------------------

“So you girls are finally putting together another album?”

“We told you you’d be the first to know, Ryan.” Ally smiles at him and although this is all off the record the girls are really excited. The company had finally allowed them to have a flexible schedule and ownership of their songs after some tough negotiations.

“We’ve been at it for a few months now, almost six, and we’ve finally got what we really wanted.” Lauren is the next to speak.

“So lets go ahead and set up an interview to go public and I’ll make sure you guys get coverage from us!”Camila smiles at his enthusiasm and excitement that the other girls are showing. It finally seems like they’re falling back into place after so long.

“Sounds good.” The girls finished up talking to Ryan and headed out of his office. They went out for lunch at a small cafe down the street. Luckily, since they’ve had to negotiate with the company, they’ve laid low and paps don’t seem to be interested right now. It’s nice to keep quiet before things get hectic again.

“When do you guys want to do all of this?” Ally has always been the responsible one.

“Uhm, probably in a month? I’m enjoying this too much.” Normani is the one to admit it first. But all the girls nod in agreement.

“Camila and I want to stop hiding eventually. The fans have thought about it for awhile and we figure we should get it out of the way before the announcement of the new album.”

“That’s probably the most ideal situation.”

“I don’t think it’ll be too much of a surprise, but the press will still have a field day on it.”

“You guys have already told your parents, right? Dinah asks.

“Yeah, thankfully they allowed us to do what we wanted without much of a hassle, they said something about already thinking it.” Ally laughed at Camila’s response. Figures everyone had a clue.

“Start of a new chapter and all.” Lauren just smiles and holds Camila’s hand in hers. She kisses the girl’s knuckles and holds bumps her knee to Camila’s.

Things can change in an instant, but sometimes they can be for the better. It’s a matter of recognizing your situation and making the best of it. Lauren knows that in a few months she’s going to take Camila back to their lighthouse and start another chapter. One will bells and white and full of things like romance and forever, but she knows more than anything that it’ll be with Camila.

\----------------

Epilogue (More like a time jump)

 

She remembers how it felt when she realized how serious this entire thing was. It was clearly a profound moment compared to every other part of her life. It’s a simple recognition of things that stood right in front of her, but the moment it really hit her that the ring on her finger meant forever was actually while she was out with her mother.

Her mom said something to her that was completely out of character, she told Camila that forever was what she made it. It was simple. Camila’s gotten to like the habit of simplicity. Life is what she made it, but the forever that Lauren asked her to spend with her was going to be what the two made it into. There’s nothing more profound to her than the realization that she controls the outcome. She gets to romance Lauren, to love her, to show her what she means every day for the rest of their lives very soon, she gets to show Lauren how much she means, that she’s beautiful. And before she had realized what was happening her mom was holding her in a tight hug and there were tracks of tears falling down her face.

Jump forward to today, the day of her white wedding, and she’s barely got a grasp on what her vows will be like, but she knows it’ll have to be a big attempt at what forever is going to mean for her and Lauren. She’s more than happy to give it a try, though.

“Mila, you need to put your dress on and get ready.”Ally’s hand grounds her. Reminds her that she’s in her private room at the church getting ready to get married. “I will.” The girls, Ally and Sofia help Camila put it on while the photographer snaps some pictures. Camila barely notices what’s going on, she’s almost got a misted look, thinks Sofia. “You look beautiful, you know?” Sofia says as she adjusts Camila’s hair so that it falls over one shoulder. “Lauren’s going to be stunned.” Ally finishes. Camila can only smile as she looks at herself in the mirror.

“Mani and Dinah say that Lauren’s about to head out first with her dad so your turn is in a few minutes. Ready?” Camila’s mom says as she enters the room with a large smile on her face. “You look beautiful and so does Lauren, sweetie.”

“Thank you, mom.”

“Hurry before daddy freaks out and Lauren thinks you’ve ran away.” Sofia says as she grabs Camila’s train and ushers them all out.

The bridesmaids line up and go out before Lauren does with her father. Camila is told to wait around the corner and she’ll be pulled to the entrance when it’s her turn. She sees her father approach her and she can’t help but get teary eyed at the way he’s already crying before he’s even given her away.

“Mila, you’re always going to be my baby girl.” Her father hugs her as tight as he can without messing up and of her attire.

“Ready, mi hija?”

“Ready, daddy.” They both start walking towards the entrance and right before they turn to line up with the strip of carpet that guides them to the altar he kisses her on the forehead. Camila just smiles and takes a deep breath. They turn and the moment Camila sees Lauren in her white dress, hair braided and neatly styled to match her simple white gown she nearly stops breathing. She only remembers to walk up the aisle because her father is guiding her. She recognizes the face that Lauren’s making, it’s the same one she after their first kiss, when they make love, and so much more. It’s the smile that reaches her eyes and the smile that Camila never stops trying to make. Her father kisses her cheek again and Camila takes her place next to Lauren.

As the priest starts the ceremony with the appropriate bibles passage and words Camila’s eyes can’t help but drift towards Lauren. She realizes that Lauren is doing the same and the smile’s that result only solidify Camila’s love for the other girl. Before she knows it it’s time for their vows. Lauren’s first.

“Wow--” Lauren takes a deep breath as everyone laughs at the way she’s so obviously flustered. “Camila, just wow.” Laughs resound again and Camila only smiles in response. This is their time. They can spend forever right here if they wanted. “I spent a few nights back at the lighthouse to try and figure out what to say and as I looked out at the water and the tide and our little place there I could help remember the night you asked me to stay.” Lauren pauses as the mood turns more serious. She doesn’t want to stutter or forget anything. Camila doesn’t look away from Lauren’s eyes. “I’m staying. I’m staying and I’m going to spend the rest of our lives trying to find the perfect song to sing to you. I’m going to try and show you how much you mean to me. I’m going to be your lighthouse. Your shore. Your everything. I’ll be strong when you need me, open when you can’t find it in your heart to open yours. I’m going to remain with you even when you walk away, even when we fight. I’m going to be the person you come home to, the person you want and the person you need. For as long as we live, I’ll be right beside you. I’ll be your home.” Lauren finishes as Camila can’t help but allow a tear to escape. She wishes she could kiss Lauren right then.

The priest signals that it’s Camila’s turn. “I can’t beat that, let’s go.” Camila cracks the joke in hopes to lighten the mood as everyone does laugh she takes a moment to collect herself. “Lo, hi.” She smiles at her fiance, her soon to be wife and pulls everything she’s ever felt for this girl into her mind. “I always thought you’d look beautiful in white, but more than that I think you’re beautiful every minute. There have been times when I questioned what we would be and how we could be it, when I was scared to dive into this in fear that it wouldn’t fall through. The other day my mom made me realize that the forever we’re promising is going to be what we make it. I want you to know that I’m going to make this everything you’ve ever wanted. Music used to be my reprieve, but somewhere along the way you beat it out. You’ve become precisely the thing I needed to make things bearable. I fell for you. Everything you are. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything and from here on out I promise to be what you need and to strive to be more of the person you fell for everyday. I’ve never loved you more than I do today and tomorrow and every day after that.”

Camila can’t hear the guests all basically crying, she can only see Lauren. Lauren with tears running down her face, but a happy smile gracing her lips. It’s a contrast that she doesn’t mind seeing. She’s acutely aware of Lauren right now. The rings are going on their fingers before she realizes what’s happening around her and she sees Lauren smile and lean in; it’s finally time to kiss the bride. Camila holds Lauren close and savors their first kiss as wife and wife. Their start of forever and a damn good one at that.

“Mrs. and Mrs. Cabello- Jauregui.” The two smile widely as they walk back down the aisle and out into the courtyard. Pictures are taken and they’ve got three hours before the large outdoor reception. Camila and Lauren drive a jeep away from the church. Just a few hours before they have to go back out into the real world.

“You’re beautiful.” Camila stares at Lauren’s profile as she drives towards their hotel.

“You are breathtaking.” Lauren grabs Camila’s hand and holds it tightly to her chest. She’s overwhelmed with emotions as she kisses Camila’s knuckles. She’s truly blessed.

“Baby.” Camila leans over the console to wipe away Lauren’s tears. “We’ve got forever now. We get to be cliche.”

“Stay with me Camz, don’t ever go.”

“I’m here.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

 


End file.
